Honesty and a dose of encouragement

I'm feeling better today about the whole weight thing. I was down 2.4 pounds at TOPS last night. I know that those of you who forget to eat (which has never happened to me) don't understand the whole .4 added on. But let me tell you if you needed to lose weight and you only lost .4 you would be glad for the increments of less than a pound that would count as an actual loss. This is important stuff to us losers (weight losers that is).

I heard a great radio program on Focus On the Family with guest Chantel Hobbs. After visiting her website however, she lost nearly 200 pounds, and learning that she can lift more weight at the gym than I can I felt discouraged. But I went to the gym and picked up heavier weights than I normally do and I lifted them! That was a good feeling. But what feels even better is writing down my thoughts with the hope that, like Chantel, I can help others.

I've begun to notice a pattern among people who have lost a lot of weight. There is a tendency, and I include myself in this, to think that we have the answers and we enthusiastically share them with others. We tend to be as gung ho about exercise as we used to be about our favorite junk food. It's not enough to walk a couple of miles a day, no we have to continue to live large and run marathons or finish an Ironman. I was trying to remember the Ironman name and my daughter who supplied it said it could also be referred to as a suicide triathalon. I have to chuckle because if I don't laugh about life I would go crazy. Hmmm, maybe I already am.

I just keep thinking about the things I've read about people who have lost a lot of weight. "Wow they've made a fantastic achievement, we have something in common, I just can't wait to read their story," I think. Every time I wish I hadn't. They always have achieved something more than I have and I feel inferior. It is rarely uplifting. I have even had the bizarre thought that maybe I should regain the weight plus a lot more and then lose it all and have a story to beat all stories. That really is crazy.

Okay, so now you know that I think some strange thoughts. You may not be willing to admit it but I'll bet you think things you wouldn't want anyone to know about. Hiding the truth can hurt us more than sharing it. I hear people say things like, "It must have been that potato I ate this week that made me gain weight." Stop! It wasn't the potato, unless maybe it was loaded with sour cream and butter. I didn't gain 5 pounds in the last month and say, "I just don't understand it, I've been eating so healthfully." Boloney, I've gone back to the old, bad habits that got me to 270 pounds in the first place. I often struggle with overeating healthy foods too. My problems with food are not over, and they probably never will be, but I am not going to give up. I like Chantel Hobbs idea of taking it one day at a time. That's all I can face. If I have to think of being healthy every day for life it's too much. It's overwhelming.

I've come to the point where the word healthy seems like vulgarity. It sounds like a punishment. I am glad I have good health and I want to keep it but I feel like I need a new word to describe it. I guess it's not easy to limit myself to just one word. That is obvious judging by the length of my posts.

Getting back to all those weight loss success stories. Maybe you feel that if they can do it so can you, and you can. But maybe you feel like you could never achieve what they have and why even bother. If those stories discourage me, a person who has lost a lot of weight, how must it feel to be the person who is carrying a lot of extra weight.

Being okay with who I am does not come easily to me and perhaps not to you either but don't give up. I can offer many ideas about what works for me but I cannot guarantee that any of them will work for you. Sometimes hearing other people's ideas only serves to help me determine what won't work for me. I enjoy running but when I mention that to others they usually say they have bad knees or something like that. My brother runs so he can be in shape for volleyball or tennis. I would be a couch potato if those were the only sports that I could employ to keep fit. My doctor says, "Find something you enjoy, or at least don't hate, and do that for exercise." Forget low carb, I love carbs; I usually eat whole grain but it's still a lot more carbs than one diet offers on the carb splurge day. Eggs for breakfast, no thank you I'll take oatmeal instead. For a friend low carb is the way to go but neither of us is wrong because we have found what works for us.

I finally realized that just being more active in my day helps me keep my weight down. It only took me 3 winters of stuggling to goal and 2 summers of not struggling to realize that it was more everyday activity, and not certain exercises, that were making the difference. I work out hard all year round but when it's dark and cold at 5PM I just don't move as much as when it's warm and light in the evenings, duh. So just move more and be surprised.

Okay, there I go giving weight loss advice that may be annoying. The best advice I can give is that you are a person of worth and that you deserve to be taken care of. If you think you don't have time to take care of yourself remember that in order to have the energy to love and care for others you have to do something to restore that energy. I like the book title "Life Is Hard Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle. I haven't read it but it's true.

Many people talk about how if they did what they wanted they would waste their time on various things that really don't sound like a waste of time. I think I would sleep and eat junk because that's easy. But that's what I used to do and I was miserable. For the moment I was eating I felt some joy but it was short lived. So I make the effort each day to get up and do things that aren't as easy as sleeping in or eating comfort foods. But my life is much better for the effort. Do the hard thing and live life, love yourself, and find joy. You are worth it.