I just read a post by radio host Bob Lonesbury titled "The Earth Is Not My God". http://www.wham1180.com/pages/boblonsberry.html The point he is making really hit home with me and inspired me to record my own thoughts on the subject.
I believe what God tells us about the earth in His word. God created the earth and reveals His power to us through His creation. "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature-have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." (Romans 1:20; NIV) "The heavens praise your wonders, O LORD... The heavens are yours, and yours also the earth; you founded the earth and all that it has in it." (Psalm 89:5,11; NIV) All of creation is crying out, "If God can create this incredible universe just imagine what He can do for you." In Luke chapter 19 the gospel account of what Christians call Palm Sunday is given. As Jesus rode into Jerusalem "the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen: 'Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!'" Some of the pharisees told Jesus to rebuke His disciples but "he replied, 'if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.'"
Jesus teaches about worry in Matthew 6 by first telling how our Heavenly Father cares for His creation and then expressing how He cares even more for us. ""'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink;... Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (v. 25-26; NIV) "Why do you worry about clothes? Look how the wildflowers grow. They don't work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn't as well clothed as one of them. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow. He will surely do even more for you! Why do you have such little faith?" (v. 28-30; CEV) In Matthew 10:29-30 Jesus says "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
In Genesis chapter 1 at the end of each day of creation God looked at what He had made and "saw that it was good." But on the sixth day when God created man He said that "it was very good" (v. 31) In verse 26 we read "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.'" "God loved the people of this world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who has faith in Him will have eternal life and never really die." (John 3:16; CEV) I like the way the Contemporary English Version says it because it's clear that it is the people of the world and not just the world or the earth that Jesus died for.
Yes God does love all of His creation. Certainly the verses I've shared give a glimpse of that. But as much as God loves His creation nothing can compare to His love for mankind; that means you and me. When we take good care of the earth it is not to please people but to show our love for God. People will be pleased when we are good stewards of God's creation but that should not be our main motivation. Instead we should act for God's pleasure.
As I wrote earlier, Romans chapter 1 tells that God created the world to reveal Himself to man but He knew that some would not acknowledge Him. "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-who is forever praised. Amen." (v. 25) I have included a link to a video of an environmentalist group wailing as they surround a dead tree. Without sound it appears that they are engaging in earnest prayer and worshiping God while surrounded by the beauty of His creation. Sadly they are worshiping creation and missing out on the blessings that their creator God has for them. How much better it would be for them and for all of us if we seek to honor God as we care for the earth.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Weighing In
This morning I was reading the chapter "Try Something New" in Joyce Meyer's book Never Give Up. The verse from Romans 12:2-3 came to mind. "Do not be conformed any longer to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing, and perfect will."
I was talking to the Lord about my food struggles of late and wondering why I was able to be so disciplined a year ago and I am failing miserably now. I know it isn't His will for me to be regaining the weight I've lost and it isn't His will for me to be so focused on food. It seemed the Lord was saying, "You're struggling so much because you were doing it in your own strength for a while and you ran out of strength. Now do it in my strength because you can never use that up." Whoa, did God say that? When those thoughts come to mind I just know that I'm not smart enough to come up with them so it has to be the Spirit speaking to my heart.
It gets better. Suddenly this morning as I was reading the thought comes to me, "You're thinking like the Israelites in the desert. God gave them manna and they were complaining. God gave them the best food ever and they were tired of it." Then I realized, "God has given me the best food ever and I have the same attitude." I heard a woman speak on weight loss (she too had lost a lot of weight) and she talked about those prepared foods that we love so much being designed by chef Satan to tempt us when we want to put good food in our bodies but at the same time crave junk food. Just like Eve in the garden of Eden, Satan has me thinking that I am missing out and he is getting my eyes off of all that God has for me. That is not to say that there isn't ever a time that I can have treats that fall under the man-made food category rather than the God made.
Now let's not get legalistic here. I realize that much of our food supply has been altered and that even things as close to their original source as possible (think fruits and vegetables) aren't quite what God gave us. But we live in a fallen world where nothing is quite what God gave us so it's the best we have and God will honor our use of it. Certainly a fresh apple is less tampered with than a doughnut.
This is where the renewing of the mind, or the new way of thinking, comes in. So next time I want a treat and I know it hasn't been very long since I've had one I need to remember what God showed me this morning. I need to use that renewed thinking to keep me on God's path so I don't find that lost weight. I'm sure I could benefit from some changes. It's probably time to rethink my plan. Maybe I need to add some different healthy foods to my diet or try the frequent small meals concept.
I need to do something different because I know that God did not direct me to lose 120 pounds only to gain it back again. I know God has something planned for me that requires the maintenance of this weight loss. I'm not sure yet what He has planned but I know He will show me when He knows I am ready. God has already used the weight loss for His glory but I know He has so much more. I need to keep that in sight when I am tempted to indulge in the immediate gratification of junk food rather than waiting on the better things God has for me or when I grumble because I feel deprived when others are eating junk.
At church yesterday we sang the chorus "More love, more power, more of you in my life." Our speaker (Dr. Duane Durst, Assemblies of God Lakeshore District superintendent-there to officially install our new pastor) said his version is "More love, more power, less of me in Your way." He said we already have all the Jesus we need it's just that we stand in the way of Jesus working in our lives. But God doesn't force us to get out of the way because of His great love for us He allows us to choose. The problem is our short sightedness. We think standing in God's way is us exercising our freedom but if we had a God's eyeview of our lives we would see that walking in our version of freedom is actually a bondage. Aren't we just like kids? How often do parents watch as their kids make the same mistakes they made knowing that experience is the best teacher. God knows what's best for us if we just trust Him. It's easier said than done but I know what I'm doing now isn't working so it's time to try it God's way.
I was talking to the Lord about my food struggles of late and wondering why I was able to be so disciplined a year ago and I am failing miserably now. I know it isn't His will for me to be regaining the weight I've lost and it isn't His will for me to be so focused on food. It seemed the Lord was saying, "You're struggling so much because you were doing it in your own strength for a while and you ran out of strength. Now do it in my strength because you can never use that up." Whoa, did God say that? When those thoughts come to mind I just know that I'm not smart enough to come up with them so it has to be the Spirit speaking to my heart.
It gets better. Suddenly this morning as I was reading the thought comes to me, "You're thinking like the Israelites in the desert. God gave them manna and they were complaining. God gave them the best food ever and they were tired of it." Then I realized, "God has given me the best food ever and I have the same attitude." I heard a woman speak on weight loss (she too had lost a lot of weight) and she talked about those prepared foods that we love so much being designed by chef Satan to tempt us when we want to put good food in our bodies but at the same time crave junk food. Just like Eve in the garden of Eden, Satan has me thinking that I am missing out and he is getting my eyes off of all that God has for me. That is not to say that there isn't ever a time that I can have treats that fall under the man-made food category rather than the God made.
Now let's not get legalistic here. I realize that much of our food supply has been altered and that even things as close to their original source as possible (think fruits and vegetables) aren't quite what God gave us. But we live in a fallen world where nothing is quite what God gave us so it's the best we have and God will honor our use of it. Certainly a fresh apple is less tampered with than a doughnut.
This is where the renewing of the mind, or the new way of thinking, comes in. So next time I want a treat and I know it hasn't been very long since I've had one I need to remember what God showed me this morning. I need to use that renewed thinking to keep me on God's path so I don't find that lost weight. I'm sure I could benefit from some changes. It's probably time to rethink my plan. Maybe I need to add some different healthy foods to my diet or try the frequent small meals concept.
I need to do something different because I know that God did not direct me to lose 120 pounds only to gain it back again. I know God has something planned for me that requires the maintenance of this weight loss. I'm not sure yet what He has planned but I know He will show me when He knows I am ready. God has already used the weight loss for His glory but I know He has so much more. I need to keep that in sight when I am tempted to indulge in the immediate gratification of junk food rather than waiting on the better things God has for me or when I grumble because I feel deprived when others are eating junk.
At church yesterday we sang the chorus "More love, more power, more of you in my life." Our speaker (Dr. Duane Durst, Assemblies of God Lakeshore District superintendent-there to officially install our new pastor) said his version is "More love, more power, less of me in Your way." He said we already have all the Jesus we need it's just that we stand in the way of Jesus working in our lives. But God doesn't force us to get out of the way because of His great love for us He allows us to choose. The problem is our short sightedness. We think standing in God's way is us exercising our freedom but if we had a God's eyeview of our lives we would see that walking in our version of freedom is actually a bondage. Aren't we just like kids? How often do parents watch as their kids make the same mistakes they made knowing that experience is the best teacher. God knows what's best for us if we just trust Him. It's easier said than done but I know what I'm doing now isn't working so it's time to try it God's way.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
What a Priviledge
I am continuing to ponder how to use my blessings to help others. A dear friend is preparing to go with her family on a two year mission aboard the Mercy Ship. The ship provides medical care and performs surgery for people along the coast of Africa. Although I do not feel called at this time to such a mission I very much want to make a difference in this world. The primary aim of the Mercy Ship is to share the life changing message of the gospel by first meeting the physical needs of the people whom the ship staff serves.
I have thought about the fact that by reaching out to Americans through the salvation message and teachings from God's word I might reach people who God has purposed for missions. Christians who have been blessed with material wealth through their ministries have also been able to fund outreaches in other countries. This would, of course, be a long term goal as I would have to establish a ministry first. That is if my heart is God's heart and I am not missing Him with the thoughts I have.
I am starting by doing in depth study in God's word and have begun to teach Sunday school. It is through my weight loss that I have gained the confidence to speak and teach and I believe maintaining good health is key to opening doors in ministry. It's exciting to think God would use me to reach others for Christ. I just hope that I can be obedient to His leading and walk in the things He has planned for me.
I want to follow God's road map for my life and not design my own. It is possible for a Christian to be deceived into thinking she is on the right path when, in fact, she is not. My hope is that as I become more knowledge about God's word through the direction and protection of the Holy Spirit I will be guarding against the deceit of the enemy.
I have thought about the fact that by reaching out to Americans through the salvation message and teachings from God's word I might reach people who God has purposed for missions. Christians who have been blessed with material wealth through their ministries have also been able to fund outreaches in other countries. This would, of course, be a long term goal as I would have to establish a ministry first. That is if my heart is God's heart and I am not missing Him with the thoughts I have.
I am starting by doing in depth study in God's word and have begun to teach Sunday school. It is through my weight loss that I have gained the confidence to speak and teach and I believe maintaining good health is key to opening doors in ministry. It's exciting to think God would use me to reach others for Christ. I just hope that I can be obedient to His leading and walk in the things He has planned for me.
I want to follow God's road map for my life and not design my own. It is possible for a Christian to be deceived into thinking she is on the right path when, in fact, she is not. My hope is that as I become more knowledge about God's word through the direction and protection of the Holy Spirit I will be guarding against the deceit of the enemy.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Dreaming
Last night was my TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) meeting. I had a small loss which was a relief since Sunday (check out that day's entry) I had a scale scare and thought I was out of my leeway (more than 3 pounds above goal).
I think I mentioned in a previous post having feelings of guilt because I am struggling with being overweight and eating too much food when there are many people in this world who do not have enough food. By middle class America's standards I may not have a lot but I know that in comparison to many people I have an abundance. I think it was Chip Ingram who said that people who own their home are among only 5 percent of the world's population and even if that home doesn't seem grand it still makes the homeowner rich by the rest of the world's standards.
Joyce Meyer just wrote a book titled "Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: giving yourself permission to lighten up". I discovered the promo on her website and the accompanying scripture from Ecclesiastes 3:12-13. "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil-this is the gift of God." Pehaps it was providential that I saw Joyce's message when I have been struggling with this issue.
My feelings of guilt do not serve me or anyone else well. Sitting around having a pity party for myself does not feed the hungry. Nor does feeling guilty for having several bibles in my home when people risk their freedom and even their lives to have or give a bible.
I googled "With great priviledge comes great responsibility" and found many references to that statement. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "With freedom comes responsibility." As an American Christian I enjoy many freedoms and it is indeed a priviledge.
Jesus tells The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30.
"Again, (the kingdom of heaven) will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another, two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money...."(Matt 25:14-18)
Notice that the talents were given according to each servant's ability. God does not ask more of us than we can handle. God gives us plenty of time to use the talents he has given us.
"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them..." (v. 19) The two servants who had invested wisely were acknowledged as good and faithful and were promised to have many things in their charge. But the one who buried his talent showed his true character by his selfish behavior. The master had not asked more of this servant than the servant could handle but yet this lazy man refused to do what was asked and was thrown out by the master.
As I wrote earlier, God has entrusted me with several bibles. Instead of feeling guilty for having what others do not, I can study His word and know Him better. Knowing God's word will help me to share it with others in whatever way God directs me. Perhaps my struggles with food will prepare me to help someone climb out of a rut that is keeping them from fulfilling their dream of being a nurse or a missionary. So I could see how my seemingly impracticle skills and interests could have an impact for God's kingdom.
In his book "The Dreamgiver" Bruce Wilkinson says that God puts a dream on each person's heart and that when we live out our dreams we meet another person's need. He gave the example of a child who froze to death on a street corner near where he, Bruce, was staying in Africa saying that somewhere in this world there is a person with a dream that would have met that child's need. When we tuck our dreams away and don't put them into action someone may actually suffer as a result. That certainly puts things in a different light.
I can see how my brother's dream of supplying pumps for wells in the country of Burundi in Africa meets the needs of impoverished people dying for lack of drinking water. I'm not sure how my dreams fit though.
I'll tell the story of my dream or what I think may be my dream. Several years ago I was listening to a radio broadcast from Focus on the Family. The program featured a recording of a woman speaking to a large group. I don't know who she was or what she was speaking about but I remember thinking, "I would like to do that someday." I immediately thought, "Are you crazy, you're terrified of public speaking." Sometime later I decided to go back to school where I was required to take a course in public speaking. One of the things that really stayed in my mind from that experience is the fact that people cannot usually tell that a speaker is nervous. I also learned how to write and deliver an effective speech. I have had some opportunities to speak and to teach and I've found that the teaching of God's word is different than speaking about my weight loss. I will need to learn more about that kind of speaking if that is what I am going to do.
Last summer I went to a TOPS conference that had over 2000 people in attendance. While listening to a couple of keynote speakers I thought, "I would like to do this too." I'm not sure how people get to the point where they can speak naturally in front of that many people and for an hour but I would like to find out. So when I think of the dream God has put on my heart I just keep thinking that I want to speak before large groups of people. "Is that God's dream or just a thought that goes through my head?" I don't know. I'll just keep pressing on and I trust that God will show me the way.
I am trying to use this time of rest that God has provided through the loss of work to spend time studying and using the gift of encouragement God has given me. "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us...if it is encouraging, let him encourage;"(Romans 12:6,8) I was so thrilled to find out encouragement is an actual gift listed in the bible. Not that every gift has to be listed in the bible to be legitimate but if it wasn't then I know I would question if it was a gift and discount my use of it. I guess God knew that we encouragers would need His encouragement to use our gift. I didn't even realize I had this gift until after I lost the weight and had some confidence.
I think I mentioned in a previous post having feelings of guilt because I am struggling with being overweight and eating too much food when there are many people in this world who do not have enough food. By middle class America's standards I may not have a lot but I know that in comparison to many people I have an abundance. I think it was Chip Ingram who said that people who own their home are among only 5 percent of the world's population and even if that home doesn't seem grand it still makes the homeowner rich by the rest of the world's standards.
Joyce Meyer just wrote a book titled "Eat the Cookie...Buy the Shoes: giving yourself permission to lighten up". I discovered the promo on her website and the accompanying scripture from Ecclesiastes 3:12-13. "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil-this is the gift of God." Pehaps it was providential that I saw Joyce's message when I have been struggling with this issue.
My feelings of guilt do not serve me or anyone else well. Sitting around having a pity party for myself does not feed the hungry. Nor does feeling guilty for having several bibles in my home when people risk their freedom and even their lives to have or give a bible.
I googled "With great priviledge comes great responsibility" and found many references to that statement. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "With freedom comes responsibility." As an American Christian I enjoy many freedoms and it is indeed a priviledge.
Jesus tells The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30.
"Again, (the kingdom of heaven) will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another, two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money...."(Matt 25:14-18)
Notice that the talents were given according to each servant's ability. God does not ask more of us than we can handle. God gives us plenty of time to use the talents he has given us.
"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them..." (v. 19) The two servants who had invested wisely were acknowledged as good and faithful and were promised to have many things in their charge. But the one who buried his talent showed his true character by his selfish behavior. The master had not asked more of this servant than the servant could handle but yet this lazy man refused to do what was asked and was thrown out by the master.
As I wrote earlier, God has entrusted me with several bibles. Instead of feeling guilty for having what others do not, I can study His word and know Him better. Knowing God's word will help me to share it with others in whatever way God directs me. Perhaps my struggles with food will prepare me to help someone climb out of a rut that is keeping them from fulfilling their dream of being a nurse or a missionary. So I could see how my seemingly impracticle skills and interests could have an impact for God's kingdom.
In his book "The Dreamgiver" Bruce Wilkinson says that God puts a dream on each person's heart and that when we live out our dreams we meet another person's need. He gave the example of a child who froze to death on a street corner near where he, Bruce, was staying in Africa saying that somewhere in this world there is a person with a dream that would have met that child's need. When we tuck our dreams away and don't put them into action someone may actually suffer as a result. That certainly puts things in a different light.
I can see how my brother's dream of supplying pumps for wells in the country of Burundi in Africa meets the needs of impoverished people dying for lack of drinking water. I'm not sure how my dreams fit though.
I'll tell the story of my dream or what I think may be my dream. Several years ago I was listening to a radio broadcast from Focus on the Family. The program featured a recording of a woman speaking to a large group. I don't know who she was or what she was speaking about but I remember thinking, "I would like to do that someday." I immediately thought, "Are you crazy, you're terrified of public speaking." Sometime later I decided to go back to school where I was required to take a course in public speaking. One of the things that really stayed in my mind from that experience is the fact that people cannot usually tell that a speaker is nervous. I also learned how to write and deliver an effective speech. I have had some opportunities to speak and to teach and I've found that the teaching of God's word is different than speaking about my weight loss. I will need to learn more about that kind of speaking if that is what I am going to do.
Last summer I went to a TOPS conference that had over 2000 people in attendance. While listening to a couple of keynote speakers I thought, "I would like to do this too." I'm not sure how people get to the point where they can speak naturally in front of that many people and for an hour but I would like to find out. So when I think of the dream God has put on my heart I just keep thinking that I want to speak before large groups of people. "Is that God's dream or just a thought that goes through my head?" I don't know. I'll just keep pressing on and I trust that God will show me the way.
I am trying to use this time of rest that God has provided through the loss of work to spend time studying and using the gift of encouragement God has given me. "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us...if it is encouraging, let him encourage;"(Romans 12:6,8) I was so thrilled to find out encouragement is an actual gift listed in the bible. Not that every gift has to be listed in the bible to be legitimate but if it wasn't then I know I would question if it was a gift and discount my use of it. I guess God knew that we encouragers would need His encouragement to use our gift. I didn't even realize I had this gift until after I lost the weight and had some confidence.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Determination to Never Give Up
Last night I was scared because I stepped on the scale and the number really scared me. It thought that I had done better this week with food. Sometimes I play mind games convincing myself that I'm doing okay with food when I'm not. But today my weight is where I thought it should be last night. I felt really bloated then so that would explain the difference. It's not so much that I'm hung up on the number on the scale but that I try to figure out where I'm at leading up to my Tuesday weigh in at TOPS. This certainly makes a case for writing down what I eat. It's amazing how easy it is to forget.
This whole issue can be such a roller coaster of emotions. It seems I go between feeling overconfidant to feeling like a hypocrite. I don't feel like I can be helpful to others with either mindset. Helping other people is so important to me. Being healthy is great but supporting other people who share my struggles makes the effort worthwhile.
There is a difference between helping and pleasing others. Real happiness comes from doing what honors God and that doesn't always make people happy. I've received this word from some annointed speakers and writers several times. Just today I heard a Joyce Meyer podcast in which she made that point.
On an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" Ray was going out of his way to please acquaintances at his wife Debra's expense. She told him that he didn't have to have everyone like him. "That's me," I thought. I always want people to like me. I really need to get over that. I'm beginning to realize that it's just not possible to accomplish. It's especially bad to try to please someone at the expense of my family and I know I have been guilty.
I know that my desire to reach others for God and make a difference in people's lives will mean that I have to lay down the desire to have everyone like me. The reality is not everyone is going to like me or be happy with me. The best thing I can do is figure out just what God wants me to do and do it. Much easier said than done. Joyce Meyer says that next to having God in your life the single most important thing a person can have is the determination to not give up. She says it is even better than being smart because it will keep a person from getting stuck in life and get her across the finish line. Make up your mind that you are not going to give up and press on is what I hear Joyce saying. Sounds like great advice and I am making up my mind to not give up and to run after the things of God.
This whole issue can be such a roller coaster of emotions. It seems I go between feeling overconfidant to feeling like a hypocrite. I don't feel like I can be helpful to others with either mindset. Helping other people is so important to me. Being healthy is great but supporting other people who share my struggles makes the effort worthwhile.
There is a difference between helping and pleasing others. Real happiness comes from doing what honors God and that doesn't always make people happy. I've received this word from some annointed speakers and writers several times. Just today I heard a Joyce Meyer podcast in which she made that point.
On an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" Ray was going out of his way to please acquaintances at his wife Debra's expense. She told him that he didn't have to have everyone like him. "That's me," I thought. I always want people to like me. I really need to get over that. I'm beginning to realize that it's just not possible to accomplish. It's especially bad to try to please someone at the expense of my family and I know I have been guilty.
I know that my desire to reach others for God and make a difference in people's lives will mean that I have to lay down the desire to have everyone like me. The reality is not everyone is going to like me or be happy with me. The best thing I can do is figure out just what God wants me to do and do it. Much easier said than done. Joyce Meyer says that next to having God in your life the single most important thing a person can have is the determination to not give up. She says it is even better than being smart because it will keep a person from getting stuck in life and get her across the finish line. Make up your mind that you are not going to give up and press on is what I hear Joyce saying. Sounds like great advice and I am making up my mind to not give up and to run after the things of God.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sometimes God calms the storms, sometimes He calms us in the storm.
I feel bloated and uncomfortable and my weight is at a scary high. I'm afraid that I won't be able to get it back down, that I will be humiliated in front of my TOPS group. A year ago I was celebrating receiving an award for losing the most weight of all the women in NY State who reached their goal in TOPS in 2008. Now I'm in danger of losing my KOPS (Keep Off Pounds Sensibly) status. Sometimes I wish it would just happen and be done.
I've heard that most of the things we fear never come to pass. I thought that after last week when I was more than 3 pounds above my goal I would be able to be more disciplined. I did much better last week but it seems my weight is up again. I thought I was having a pretty good week but I guess I'm fooling myself. I will probably have to do the thing I dislike and write down what I eat for a week. In the past I've had to get out the measuring cups and reacquaint myself with portion sizes. It's amazing how that half cup of yogurt can gradually become three-quarters of a cup. I need to get back to leaner dinners too. The exercise is not the issue it's the food. I've come so far and encouraged so many people I feel like I'd be letting people down and most of all I'd be letting myself down.
The other danger is that a result of discouragement and embarrassment would be that I drop out of TOPS and that I would gain the weight back. Several people have found themselves in the position of being up a few extra pounds and have lost their honored KOPS status but continue to attend meetings. If they can do it I can too. I know that they will still love me but can I accept myself. Too many people lose and regain large amounts of weight. I absolutely do not want this to be my story. Food needs to be a healthy part of my life not the unhealthy focus it is becoming once again. I have to trust that I can get back to where I want to be.
Raising my goal 5 pounds was necessary because it was just too hard to maintain my original goal in the less active winter months. The last 2 winters have proved that. But to raise my goal again would only give me permission to eat and gain more. I have to stop this now. As Susan Powter says, "Stop the insanity!"
For readers who do not share my spiritual beliefs the following thoughts may seem bizarre. I believe in spiritual battles. Satan is the author of evil and wants to beat down and destroy people. He knows that once a person has accepted Jesus as their saviour that he cannot keep them from heaven. However, he does have limited power to tempt Christians and to make life difficult, even miserable. Satan can't stand it that God has gotten a hold of my heart and given me the strength to turn my life around and lose 120 pounds. I have been able to share my story about the goodness of God and inspire hope in others. Satan does not want others to hear this message. He could really destroy my confidence and my opportunity to reach out to others by drawing me back into addictive behaviors with food. It is up to me to decide whether food or God's will is more important to me. I know God will love me no matter what but I also know that He has something better for me than returning to my highest weight.
Like any loving parent God does allow His children to suffer pain at times. Difficulties make us stronger and turn our hearts back to the One who loves us and wants what best for us. Sometimes we run away like defiant children but our Heavenly Father lovingly restores us when we are ready to let Him.
Recently I read the scripture from Luke 22:31 in which Jesus tells Peter, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat." Jesus follows with, "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back strengthen your brothers." I sensed that God was warning me that this would happen to me. At first I was scared that something really bad would happen but then it occurred to me that I would be tested in the area of weight. Simon Peter needed to base his ministry on God's strength and not his own. He was confident in the things he had done in the past like walking on water but that was not enough on which to base a life and a ministry. Peter went on to win many souls for Christ and live mightily for God. I desire to reach out to many for God too and I know that I need to learn that it is God's strength and not my own that sustains me. I cling to that knowledge as I walk this difficult journey. The valley is low and I am in it. I need God to pick me up and see me through. When I came to the end of myself in the past I ended up finding the strength to lose the weight. I have to trust that the ability to get through this trial will come through the Father who loves me but the struggle is still difficult and painful. God is faithful and I put my trust in Him. Tomorrow is a new day and I will wake with the hope that I will be better for God in this area then I have been today. To God be the glory.
I've heard that most of the things we fear never come to pass. I thought that after last week when I was more than 3 pounds above my goal I would be able to be more disciplined. I did much better last week but it seems my weight is up again. I thought I was having a pretty good week but I guess I'm fooling myself. I will probably have to do the thing I dislike and write down what I eat for a week. In the past I've had to get out the measuring cups and reacquaint myself with portion sizes. It's amazing how that half cup of yogurt can gradually become three-quarters of a cup. I need to get back to leaner dinners too. The exercise is not the issue it's the food. I've come so far and encouraged so many people I feel like I'd be letting people down and most of all I'd be letting myself down.
The other danger is that a result of discouragement and embarrassment would be that I drop out of TOPS and that I would gain the weight back. Several people have found themselves in the position of being up a few extra pounds and have lost their honored KOPS status but continue to attend meetings. If they can do it I can too. I know that they will still love me but can I accept myself. Too many people lose and regain large amounts of weight. I absolutely do not want this to be my story. Food needs to be a healthy part of my life not the unhealthy focus it is becoming once again. I have to trust that I can get back to where I want to be.
Raising my goal 5 pounds was necessary because it was just too hard to maintain my original goal in the less active winter months. The last 2 winters have proved that. But to raise my goal again would only give me permission to eat and gain more. I have to stop this now. As Susan Powter says, "Stop the insanity!"
For readers who do not share my spiritual beliefs the following thoughts may seem bizarre. I believe in spiritual battles. Satan is the author of evil and wants to beat down and destroy people. He knows that once a person has accepted Jesus as their saviour that he cannot keep them from heaven. However, he does have limited power to tempt Christians and to make life difficult, even miserable. Satan can't stand it that God has gotten a hold of my heart and given me the strength to turn my life around and lose 120 pounds. I have been able to share my story about the goodness of God and inspire hope in others. Satan does not want others to hear this message. He could really destroy my confidence and my opportunity to reach out to others by drawing me back into addictive behaviors with food. It is up to me to decide whether food or God's will is more important to me. I know God will love me no matter what but I also know that He has something better for me than returning to my highest weight.
Like any loving parent God does allow His children to suffer pain at times. Difficulties make us stronger and turn our hearts back to the One who loves us and wants what best for us. Sometimes we run away like defiant children but our Heavenly Father lovingly restores us when we are ready to let Him.
Recently I read the scripture from Luke 22:31 in which Jesus tells Peter, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat." Jesus follows with, "But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back strengthen your brothers." I sensed that God was warning me that this would happen to me. At first I was scared that something really bad would happen but then it occurred to me that I would be tested in the area of weight. Simon Peter needed to base his ministry on God's strength and not his own. He was confident in the things he had done in the past like walking on water but that was not enough on which to base a life and a ministry. Peter went on to win many souls for Christ and live mightily for God. I desire to reach out to many for God too and I know that I need to learn that it is God's strength and not my own that sustains me. I cling to that knowledge as I walk this difficult journey. The valley is low and I am in it. I need God to pick me up and see me through. When I came to the end of myself in the past I ended up finding the strength to lose the weight. I have to trust that the ability to get through this trial will come through the Father who loves me but the struggle is still difficult and painful. God is faithful and I put my trust in Him. Tomorrow is a new day and I will wake with the hope that I will be better for God in this area then I have been today. To God be the glory.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Food Fight
Last night I went to bed early and missed out on blogging. It was a blessing because I really felt like eating but did not since escaped the draw of the kitchen.
Things that haven't bothered me in a long time seem to be a problem again. It has been so long since I craved chips of any sort with subs but last night I felt like I was missing out. Longing for salty foods has never been my thing before. Sometimes when I've had a lot of sweets I might want something savory but not often.
I just don't get it. What I can now relate to is the caution that weight maintenance is difficult. My doctor jokes, "Losing weight is the easy part, it's maintaining that's the hard part." People invariably look at me with puzzled glances when I repeat these words of wisdom. The point, of course, is that once the weight is lost, which is very difficult to be sure, the hard work of maintenance begins. Presumably those who lose weight will maintain that loss for life which is likely to be longer than the period required to establish the initial loss.
Sometimes I wonder if I lost brain cells along with pounds. At times I behave as though I don't need to be vigilant anymore. Hey, now that I've reached goal I've got it made; I don't need to watch what I eat anymore the problem is solved. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that is how I act. The scale quickly brings me back to reality. If it weren't for weighing in at TOPS I know I would deceive myself into thinking that I would get my weight down tomorrow and that day would never come. I would, no doubt, be regaining the weight. So if you are losing weight and envying those who are at goal keep in mind that we still have to work at it too. Again my wise doctor told me that he has talked to people who have been adicted to drugs, cigarettes, and food and the latter was the hardest habit to break.
My doctor confirmed for me that my approach to food constitutes addiction and I know recovering addicts must be vigilant. Three and a half years of pursuing good health has taught me a great deal. Certainly I will always be a student when it comes to disordered eating but I have also begun to become a teacher as I share what I know with others. I do not feel bitter about this in the least. When I'm feeling low I wish I didn't have to struggle but most of the time I am thankful. Pain is not pleasant but most will agree that the times of greatest growth in life are born of adversity. The ability to comfort others comes from receiving comfort.
Remembering how far I've come and thinking of the people I've inspired can also help me get back on track. Sometimes I joke that I should paint the KOPS (Keep Off Pounds Sensibly) pledge in big letters on my refrigerator. Not that the fridge holds all my problem foods but it's in the room where the food is.
"Don't buy it," you say. One of my biggest downfalls is popcorn. Unfortunately not the 100 calorie microwave kind, no thanks. Either movie theater or or homemade. Portion, isn't that just a giant bowl full? You get the idea. I can't totally give it up because I enjoy it so much. When I limit it to one big bowl a week and no more I'm okay but I've had a few weeks of going beyond that. Along with a few weeks of not saying no to things like Dunkin' Donuts' chai tea (love it) more than once a week and goodies my family has that I normally don't. I've tried not to make this their thing. Forcing someone to diet usually has the opposite effect of the one intended. I don't usually have much of a problem saying no when I know it's not my splurge day. I usually have a splurge twice a week. So that might be a dessert and a meal generally not on the same day. But I think my splurges have been a too big lately and as I said too often. As the weather improves and I am busier this will become less of an issue. This blog is helping to keep my hands busy which is a good thing and thinking about food and the feelings that relate to it instead of eating it is another positive.
My daughter reminded me that I could eat what the rest of the family eats if I am willing to weigh what they weigh. Good point, I am not. I would feel uncomfortable at a higher weight and I think it would just give me an excuse to eat more and then climb to a higher weight yet. I think this is the right weight for me at this time in my life. She actually reminded me of another way of thinking that I have relied on in the past to help me. I know that I can eat whatever I want but the trade off is that I may gain weight. I have to decide which is more important to me, the food or the loss. The answer varies but right now I think I would prefer the loss.
Tomorrow night will be a challenge as my large extended family gathers to celebrate my brother Jim's birthday. The desserts will be out and it's hard for me to concentrate on anything else even if they do get removed from the table. I'm thinking I'll bring along the dishcloth I've started knitting with the intention of busying my hands while our family was enjoying a movie. Monday the builder will break ground on my parent's new home and throws a party for all who attend. I want to be there and my parents have invited me. These things have not been big issues in the past. I like the one day at a time approach and will comfort myself with the thought that after Tuesday's weigh in I start a new week and can once again plan my treat.
I strongly believe that things happen for a reason and that God sometimes allows circumstances to get my attention. I've been wanting to focus on reading some good books that beckon from my bookshelf. Sinking into the couch in front of television and eating is easy but unrewarding. Like exercise which I often have to convince myself to start I need to just do it when it comes to the reading too. How much better I'll feel just as I do when I'm logging my feelings here.
I was beginning to get concerned that I was battling depression once again. But so many things bring me joy and a smile to my face. Those things are not true when I'm in a depression. Late winter and the beginning of daylight savings time could certainly explain my struggles. As can the unexpected loss of my job last month. I'm enjoying the time of rest and being able to spend more time with my family. Last fall I worked full time, I had been at home for a few years since my girls left public school to complete their studies at home. But they work independently and we needed the money. As apple season drew to a close so did my farm market employment. A local gym, the same one that awarded me a free one year membership as the winner of their fitness/weight loss contest, added me to their staff. Unfortunately I lacked the speed and sales skills for the busy new year. It was an amicable parting of the ways. My boss was kind in the way he handled the situation, he encouraged me with some very positive feedback and an offer of a good reference. The first few days after that loss were difficult. I gave the job my best and it was a blow to my ego but I am able to go and enjoy the gym just as I have in the past which is evidence of the fact that things ended well.
Hopefully I will soon begin teaching SilverSneakers exercise classes to seniors in our community. I had the opportunity to teach 3 classes and found I really enjoy working with the participants. It's funny that I once thought my gift was teaching children but through teaching adult Sunday school and working with older adults at the gym and at the farm market I've come to realize that my strengths are better used with adults.
Today my girls and I went to a beach on the shores of Lake Ontario. It was a brisk day with winds whipping our hair as my younger daughter and I ran across the sand and played on the playground. My daughter is 13 and I am 44 but we had a wonderful time none the less. Such joys are particularly sweet when I think of how I could not have easily done these things a few years ago. We froliced until our fingers were numb and then drove home with my older daughter who preferred to read in the car. The lake is fun any time of year and a late winter or early spring jaunt is worth the effort. A dear friend really taught me to appreciate nature. God's creation has the power to refresh the body and the spirit. What a wonderful gift.
Things that haven't bothered me in a long time seem to be a problem again. It has been so long since I craved chips of any sort with subs but last night I felt like I was missing out. Longing for salty foods has never been my thing before. Sometimes when I've had a lot of sweets I might want something savory but not often.
I just don't get it. What I can now relate to is the caution that weight maintenance is difficult. My doctor jokes, "Losing weight is the easy part, it's maintaining that's the hard part." People invariably look at me with puzzled glances when I repeat these words of wisdom. The point, of course, is that once the weight is lost, which is very difficult to be sure, the hard work of maintenance begins. Presumably those who lose weight will maintain that loss for life which is likely to be longer than the period required to establish the initial loss.
Sometimes I wonder if I lost brain cells along with pounds. At times I behave as though I don't need to be vigilant anymore. Hey, now that I've reached goal I've got it made; I don't need to watch what I eat anymore the problem is solved. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that is how I act. The scale quickly brings me back to reality. If it weren't for weighing in at TOPS I know I would deceive myself into thinking that I would get my weight down tomorrow and that day would never come. I would, no doubt, be regaining the weight. So if you are losing weight and envying those who are at goal keep in mind that we still have to work at it too. Again my wise doctor told me that he has talked to people who have been adicted to drugs, cigarettes, and food and the latter was the hardest habit to break.
My doctor confirmed for me that my approach to food constitutes addiction and I know recovering addicts must be vigilant. Three and a half years of pursuing good health has taught me a great deal. Certainly I will always be a student when it comes to disordered eating but I have also begun to become a teacher as I share what I know with others. I do not feel bitter about this in the least. When I'm feeling low I wish I didn't have to struggle but most of the time I am thankful. Pain is not pleasant but most will agree that the times of greatest growth in life are born of adversity. The ability to comfort others comes from receiving comfort.
Remembering how far I've come and thinking of the people I've inspired can also help me get back on track. Sometimes I joke that I should paint the KOPS (Keep Off Pounds Sensibly) pledge in big letters on my refrigerator. Not that the fridge holds all my problem foods but it's in the room where the food is.
"Don't buy it," you say. One of my biggest downfalls is popcorn. Unfortunately not the 100 calorie microwave kind, no thanks. Either movie theater or or homemade. Portion, isn't that just a giant bowl full? You get the idea. I can't totally give it up because I enjoy it so much. When I limit it to one big bowl a week and no more I'm okay but I've had a few weeks of going beyond that. Along with a few weeks of not saying no to things like Dunkin' Donuts' chai tea (love it) more than once a week and goodies my family has that I normally don't. I've tried not to make this their thing. Forcing someone to diet usually has the opposite effect of the one intended. I don't usually have much of a problem saying no when I know it's not my splurge day. I usually have a splurge twice a week. So that might be a dessert and a meal generally not on the same day. But I think my splurges have been a too big lately and as I said too often. As the weather improves and I am busier this will become less of an issue. This blog is helping to keep my hands busy which is a good thing and thinking about food and the feelings that relate to it instead of eating it is another positive.
My daughter reminded me that I could eat what the rest of the family eats if I am willing to weigh what they weigh. Good point, I am not. I would feel uncomfortable at a higher weight and I think it would just give me an excuse to eat more and then climb to a higher weight yet. I think this is the right weight for me at this time in my life. She actually reminded me of another way of thinking that I have relied on in the past to help me. I know that I can eat whatever I want but the trade off is that I may gain weight. I have to decide which is more important to me, the food or the loss. The answer varies but right now I think I would prefer the loss.
Tomorrow night will be a challenge as my large extended family gathers to celebrate my brother Jim's birthday. The desserts will be out and it's hard for me to concentrate on anything else even if they do get removed from the table. I'm thinking I'll bring along the dishcloth I've started knitting with the intention of busying my hands while our family was enjoying a movie. Monday the builder will break ground on my parent's new home and throws a party for all who attend. I want to be there and my parents have invited me. These things have not been big issues in the past. I like the one day at a time approach and will comfort myself with the thought that after Tuesday's weigh in I start a new week and can once again plan my treat.
I strongly believe that things happen for a reason and that God sometimes allows circumstances to get my attention. I've been wanting to focus on reading some good books that beckon from my bookshelf. Sinking into the couch in front of television and eating is easy but unrewarding. Like exercise which I often have to convince myself to start I need to just do it when it comes to the reading too. How much better I'll feel just as I do when I'm logging my feelings here.
I was beginning to get concerned that I was battling depression once again. But so many things bring me joy and a smile to my face. Those things are not true when I'm in a depression. Late winter and the beginning of daylight savings time could certainly explain my struggles. As can the unexpected loss of my job last month. I'm enjoying the time of rest and being able to spend more time with my family. Last fall I worked full time, I had been at home for a few years since my girls left public school to complete their studies at home. But they work independently and we needed the money. As apple season drew to a close so did my farm market employment. A local gym, the same one that awarded me a free one year membership as the winner of their fitness/weight loss contest, added me to their staff. Unfortunately I lacked the speed and sales skills for the busy new year. It was an amicable parting of the ways. My boss was kind in the way he handled the situation, he encouraged me with some very positive feedback and an offer of a good reference. The first few days after that loss were difficult. I gave the job my best and it was a blow to my ego but I am able to go and enjoy the gym just as I have in the past which is evidence of the fact that things ended well.
Hopefully I will soon begin teaching SilverSneakers exercise classes to seniors in our community. I had the opportunity to teach 3 classes and found I really enjoy working with the participants. It's funny that I once thought my gift was teaching children but through teaching adult Sunday school and working with older adults at the gym and at the farm market I've come to realize that my strengths are better used with adults.
Today my girls and I went to a beach on the shores of Lake Ontario. It was a brisk day with winds whipping our hair as my younger daughter and I ran across the sand and played on the playground. My daughter is 13 and I am 44 but we had a wonderful time none the less. Such joys are particularly sweet when I think of how I could not have easily done these things a few years ago. We froliced until our fingers were numb and then drove home with my older daughter who preferred to read in the car. The lake is fun any time of year and a late winter or early spring jaunt is worth the effort. A dear friend really taught me to appreciate nature. God's creation has the power to refresh the body and the spirit. What a wonderful gift.
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